| (no subject) |
[May. 9th, 2005|09:58 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  bad dentist people. | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | ICP | ] |
i am INVISIBLE.its great.
every time i get a bug bite, it is on my left leg. every fucking time. it looks like i had chicken pox for all the little scarry dots, and that is bad for me. chicken pox+mariah=bad things.
i have another dentist appointment on wednesday, and they said they might have to do a root canal. im not sure what that is, but i think its bad? and after that i have to find an orthodontist because i need braces to help my jaw.
thats okay, though. its not yet, and i think this weekend will be good. so im just gonna think about that. |
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| tirrred |
[Apr. 28th, 2005|06:22 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  dunno, dude... | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | prodigy | ] |
last night i went to a show for half-caste at this bar called hogues (HO-geez) and it was a good time. i started tired, and ended delerious, since yesterday sucked BIG TIME. (until around 7, at the show). does anyone know what that things called where you dont remember something that happened to you when you were younger until your older, because your brain pushes it away until you have enough maturity to deal with it? its not post traumatic stress disorder, but i think its kinda like that. its sorta hard to look something like that up online, and so any help would be appreciated. i get weird when im overwhelmed. really, really weird..and crazy. and wreckless. its out of controlll, man! itz off tha chizz-ain! ahhh fuckin exactly. this is sort of what i mean. whatever, its not like my brain is in tip-top thinking shape, anyway. its sorta...foggy. hazy. fuck, i'll just say it. smokey. my brain is smokey.it's filled with smoke. but hey, its not like i have to go long periods of time thinking about it/anything. it all just floats away.its great. fantastic. tremendous. totally awesome. stupendous...i think.
i wish it wasnt, but its completely fucking true, physically and mentally and emotionally and psychically and telekenetically...the higher you are, the harder you fall. so if youre low, and you get high, thats just setting yourself up to fall even lower. youve gotta keep that in mind, because it sucks. and i formerly had this moral, (yes, i know, gasp, me? morals?) or maybe just a principal, that its not good to get high when your down, because your brain makes this connection of feeling good and being high. and then you dont care if your getting lower, as long as sometimes you get high. and then you dont notice your getting lower,because your always high, until your too low, way too low, and your barely getting up any more. and thats not me, and im glad, and thats why i began the moral/principal thing months or a year ago, and that was fine, except now i forget when it comes down to yes of no, because my brains all fuckin clouded in the smokey haze film that never fully leaves anymore. this sounds drug addict-y. thats not how its supposed to be, not even how it is. im just going too fast. life moves pretty fast. if you dont stop to look around once in a while, you could miss it. ferris beuller is a good man. good man. he knows what im talking about. life moves fast. and it just gets faster. and i used to be the chick who was arguing with keenan that he walks to fast, and if you go slow the journey is more enjoyable. even if its just from rite-aid to albertsons. even if its from 8th grade to graduation. even if its california to nevada, then back to california, then to utah, then back to california, then to arizona, then to washington, then back to california, and all the stops along the way, wether theyre short or long or anything, its better. and now its not. but it probably secretly still is.
haha...does anyone else speed up on less sleep? |
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| marijuana in your brain, takes more time to ejaculate... |
[Apr. 22nd, 2005|04:57 pm] |
i get to be with the band! its called half-caste, and theres 2 guys i dont relaly know, and 3 chicks who are awesome.im not 'in' the band because im rediculously untalented, but i get to hang out and go to shows and do band-things. i guess you could call me a roadie, and more likely youd call me a groupie, as i am, but it seems really awesome. my moms friend julie from high school is here with her daughter, shes 18, and as that julie is rather unabashed about her adolescence, i've been learning some interesting things about my mom...which is most definately useful knowledge.
happy 4/20 two days ago, not nessecarily in the "i hope you were so stoned you passed out" way, but that you had a good day in general. the earth loves you on 4/20.
also, happy earth day today. ever wonder why the 2 celebrations are only two days apart? because the earth is happy after 420, and everyone loves it back, so we help keep the planet GREEN
ive been stoned since tuesday. damn. time for reality... |
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| now i know my abcs... |
[Apr. 17th, 2005|06:42 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  stressed | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | sublime | ] |
A - Age you got your first kiss: kindygarden. we used tongue. it was gross. i thought it would be hot, like in the movies. i even took to french kissing people's cheeks (whats the diff, right?...wrong). i got over that...i promise.
B - Band listening to right now: sublime
C - Crush you currently have: hmm..
D - Dad's name: terry
E - Easiest person to talk to: depends on situation
F - Favorite bands at the moment: i just started listening to lords of acid, and thats fun. right now ive been listening to a lot of prodigy, weezer, killradio, red hot chili peppers
G - Gummy worms or gummy bears? i prefer dinos, thanks.
H - Hometown: i get around. heh.
I - Instruments: my hands. i tap my fingers a lot.my mouth, too.
J - Junior High: kellogg&ochsa
K - Kids: uh. maybe.
L - Longest car ride ever: jeezus. long.
M - Mom's name: julie
N - Nicknames: little purple ho
O - One wish: peace
P - Phobia[s]: injections, trust, crawly people.
Q - Quote: "Yeah...i love you too. Wait, what are you talking about?"
R - Reason to smile: irony
S - Last song you heard: sublime santeria
T - Time you woke up [today]: dunno. fell asleep @ 4 am, then woke 6ish (am), then 9, then i think 11, and i was like fuck it, and got up
U - Unknown fact about me: i dunno. ask and ill tell you. im not trying to keep secrets.
V - Vegetables you hate: asparugus and spinashhh
W - Worst habit(s): overcompensating in thought for reality
X - X-rays you've had: teeth, spine
Y - Yummy food: coffee is food, right?
Z - Zodiac sign: depending on which one is a zodiac sign, virgo or the sheep/ram thing. |
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| i am pro-livejournal |
[Mar. 14th, 2005|12:36 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  nighty night | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | gorillaz | ] |
i am going to start livejournalling again because 1) myspace is stealing my soul, and i mgiht need that one day, and 2) i think it will help with stuff .
went to santa monica with my parents today, trying to be nice so they wont make me go to counseling, which they have decided to use to threaten me again. i prefer the song santa monica. the real one is sorta lame. but there was this art gallery where a lady sews together colored plastic bags, its fucking awesome. ( www.dianacohen.com ) i also went to san clemente and got film for my rolleiflex, and the old guy behind the counter was eyeing my other camera as he looked at it, then very bluntly told me that i dont deserve such fine cameras. i kept my mouth shut, though, cuz he was touching my camera and i was scared he would break it if i tolf him to fuck off. it was fun anyways. the camera is craaaazy...i dunno, its hard to explain. |
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| ello |
[Feb. 25th, 2005|04:47 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  how YOU doin'? | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | dresden dolls | ] |
i got a myspace, apparently thats the only way to do anything in southern california..the url is http://profiles.myspace.com/users/16162727 ...obviously i dont use this thing anymore except to see what you guys are up to, but i dont really use myspace eitehr. theres occasionally some pictures,there should be one up after the weeknd of me at some club with PURPLEISH PINKISH ORANGEINSH BLUEISH LIBERTY SPIKESSS...that should be interesting. assuming my brain has not completely melted and i posess the mental capacity to post them afterwards.theres considerabley more posted in the days after ive been trashed and was in the company of anyone owning a digital camera... oh, and the backgrounds fucking TRIPPY. hello to anyone who reads this, especially if its someone who i havent said hello to in a while. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 29th, 2004|06:57 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  finally some answers. | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | elton john-your song (aww) | ] |
i havent written in a long time, but thats cuz ive been all pessemistic and mean and deppressed and didnt really want to freeze those feelings in time to read later...not fun. i have a ball-o-underwear! hahaha i just id wash and got distracted by the computers addictiveness. i just noticed how COLORFUL they all are! black with polka-spots, neon yellow hawaiian, red, pink, black with rainbow shineys!alright ill spare you..
im having trouble grasping the fact that i am here. some people spen their whole lives trying to find something or someone that makes them happy...a life that works, a life they can manage, that they can see themselves improving in. i had that...and now its gone. it seems like a fucking waste of time to be here when ive already set my mind on another life. i seriously dont know how im gonna manage in later life when ive never had an opprotunity to make things work over a long period of time. i dont think im even afraid of comitment, like ive been assuming all along, i think im incapable of it. i honestly don't know how.ive been thinking about this a lot, trying to make sense of it instead of just bitching about being here. im not really sure whats happening with anyone, so anyone whod like to update me? ive been in a kind of daze since i got back. way, way reality check. i dunno, i guess ive gotta come up for real air at some point. nows a good of time as any, right? pop da bubble of unreality and breath in the thick, hazy smog of LA. mmmm, thats an interesting taste. |
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| hmm |
[Nov. 15th, 2004|09:47 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  hrmm.. | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | pink floyd-money | ] |
best 4ish 5ish days in ever. and eee! and more eeeee! and even more eeeeeeeeee!
i think too much, especially cuz it doenst get me anywhere, then when i think less, i make some very very un-good desicisons, but whatever.
ooh yes, as i walkled into the hallway i noticed the light on under my door, so right away i know someones been in my room, and i was hoping for it to just be nothing, but i walk in, and everything is made. but like, fucking serious, right ndown to clean sheets, cleared out desk, organized closet/bookshelf/drawers and my dad put pink post its on EVERYTHING
"these ------> are books"
"this is a box of weird shit"
"in here are things i dont know where to put"
"i swear i didnt look in here. I swear"
"I organized your desk. Please dont be mad at me"
"this is your art stuff"
"i put pictures in here"
"You needed a jump start"
"i just wanted to help you out of this hole"
i cant fucking deal with that, and ill admit tht i started crying. i dont know what he found, because he had to have found SOmETHING right? gahhh i dont like thinking about it.
but thats enough for a while, becasue whenever i write in here i end up thinking and id rather be all numb and happy for as long as possible. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 10th, 2004|05:59 am] |
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IM GPOINT TO MOLLYS TODAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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| grar |
[Nov. 6th, 2004|02:47 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  sore | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | white striped | ] |
yay for unreasonableness. my room is "out of hand", im "out of hand", but you know what? i really dont care, bacause im going to seattle in 4 DAYS! im a molly junkie. im always concentrated on my next fix. nothing else matters, i just need my fix because im in serious withdrawl. but im fine with addiction, even if people try to tell me its getting to be unhealthy. tyler went to azwith my dad so its just me and my mom. yesterday was ok, she made me go to ikea and i got a huge rainbow flag :). but i cant stand her. she doesnt even drink anymore but shes still insane.
istepped on a mechanical pencil, im not sure how it punctured the skin cuz its so dull but it managed to puncture it twics (in and out)and its hurty. i gotta go clean type thing more. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 4th, 2004|05:43 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  horny | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | i touch myself-the divynils | ] |
6 DAYS!!! yay!!!!!!! i was talking to this dude, and then this guy walked by, and i found him very hot, and i wasnt sure why cuz that never happens, guys are only either pretty or sometimes sexy (usually if their preestablishedly pretty) so i told the guy and he looked and goes "oh, yeah. but thats only because he looks like a blonde, guy version of angelina jolie" and i looked again, and sure enough, he was right. and thats my story of the day. im really not liking my hair. i was better off with the blueish purple. mollys gonna help me...cuz 1,she wants to, 2,i want her to, and 3, that involves getting naked. but like, actually its nessecary!, not like how its nessecary to getnaked when you eat whipped cream...even thogh thats nessecaryu, too. know what i mean?
angelina jolie and carmen electra and whoever that chick molly showed me pictures of and marilyn manson and dave navarro and prince should all have children with eachother. because a mix of them would be an unstoppable sexy machine!!!!!!! |
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| DUDE! |
[Nov. 3rd, 2004|09:18 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  eeeee! | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | friday im in love- the cure (awww) | ] |
7 FUCKING DAYS MUTHAFUCKA!!!!1!!! IN EXACTLY 1 UCKIGN WEEK I WILL BE WITHJ MOLLY AS OF NOW AND EVEN LESS AND EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!HOLEEEEEYYYYY SHITTTTTT!!!!!!1 anna imma call you and me+you+molly can all go shopping or sometheing in capitol hill and that would be fun/awesome. we could be like "ooohhh how girly are we? we went SHOPPING in a GROUP of GIRLS, MOTHAFUCKA!" andit would actually be good because its CAPITOL HILL!! whoa... i just noticesd that i have almost 0 straight girl people friends (then again theres not many) . all the better. :-D.
ohh dude. i was so pissed this morning about stupid fucking "president"
but then luke came drunk. he is the most amusing drunk person ive EVER seen.
and i kissed 8 people today...4 guys/4 girls...weeee!
who knows whats gonna happen tomorrow.
im in a good mood finally... 7 FUCKING DAYS!!!!!!!!!
hopefully mollys home from wills now |
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| crazyyy!! |
[Oct. 31st, 2004|10:12 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  aggravated | ] |
GODDAMNIT I CANT TELL IFTHAT SMELL IS OLD MACARONI AND CHEESE OR DOG FOOD!! HAS ANYONE ELSE EVER HAD THAT PROBLEM??? GAHHHHH ITS SO FUCKING ANNOYING!!! |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 31st, 2004|10:00 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | dont want school tomorrow :-/ | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | aerosmith-walk this way | ] |
 theres me and kaitlin at the pixies. thanks anna.(try to ignore that i look crosseyed) my boobs look really big...
i went trickortreating with the neighbors and some other people and damnnnn i hate to say it like this, but 7th grade girls SUCK. drama-drama- bitchbitchbitch-but I like him!! im rar-y but also a lot of sugar and sonce i hadnt had cigarettes in..days...i smoked ALOT and im all shmokay |
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| wee! |
[Oct. 30th, 2004|04:01 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  tired and angry at family | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | thrice-understanding.i dont even like this song/band | ] |
11 days! yay! but whats not cool is that that its been roughly half that since ive actually been allowed to tlk to her. how isgoing to wills house less required-y stuff then talking to me on the phone for say 5 minutes. you have no idea how depressing it is to get apologys from ruth. sincere ones. and to have the only form of knowing whats going on be her as well, because i know ruth doenst know anything about anything, even though it is good that she thinks she does. does any one know how to post a picture on the entry? i know dan and anna do...could sopmeone gimmie a hand? sigh.
my hairs bright orangey red like this! ohh. i get the image thing. heh.wait. no, no i dont. god i dont even know what im saying. arrrrrr. my neighbors are having a haloweeen party tonight with a coffin full of beer. they really do go all-out. theres decorations galore, and even a genuine hearst. with flowers from a real funeral included. (creepy, yes.) oh well. oimm calling molly now. |
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| rg. |
[Oct. 28th, 2004|10:17 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  cranky and too fucking angry. | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | holiday in cambodia | ] |
my mom nd brother are having a conversation about my behavior "you can tell her something and she doesnt care. she just doesnt fucking care. and she'll be doing what she wants, and no matter what, shell do whatever the fuck she wants" and "i really want to hit her" and my mom says "well talk to her" then i go "hypocrite!" then they both go "shut up" and now my dads here and hes ahngray, and theyre both like "well, mariah...." and im not allowed to comment because its "not my place" and their both talking about how im a bitch, and if i "comtinue this behavior..." or whatever. and tylers trying to use his "m just trying to make friends, and when i gte home, i like to go online to talk to people, and why cant you all deal with that?" speech and its getting really fucking old. fucking old. a lot of things are getting fucking old. and that fucking dead guy wont fucking get out of my head and i have fucking detention tomorrow and the fucking counseler keeps sending me (red, not blue) call slips ad i dont know how much longer theyll put up with my ignoring them and i have 10 demerits out of the 25 it takes to get expelled so im on probation. weee. god im in the worst fucking mood ever.
ON THE BRIGHT SIDE...------> (THAT SIDE)...13 DAYS!!!
AND MY HAIR IS ORANGE!
ISH-RED
ISH-PINK |
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| gar |
[Oct. 27th, 2004|08:08 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | horney. hehehe... | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | social d- story of my life | ] |
its rained a lot more. i ahd this dream that i was at richmond beach in the cave and it was full al the way up to right below the entrance to the upper cave, and i was up there but i wanted to get down, and i jumped in the water and the undertow pulled me down to the very bottom, and i remembered that your supposed to blow bubbles to see which way is up so you dont swim sideways of somethoing, but no bubbles would come out. and i died. and i never woke up befor i died which is what your supposed to do right? nope, i was just hoping no one else would jump in, then i died. but that was a couple of days ago.
i have detention again arggggggg. regardless that it was semi funlast time, i dont want to stay at fucking school till fucking 430 on a fucking friday thaen stay with my dad till 8 rarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.....
ooh but there is a sex party being planned with some people. and whats exciting is that it might actually happen. hehe.. :-D pretty much everyones single now, too. or "single" (meaning the bf/gf doesnt go to the school so theyll never know)
BUT molly apparently didnt turn in some sort of math so shes in a lot of trouble ( " " ) which is stupid because she really should appreciate that its the only fucking one this year. it would make more sense to do good and not tell them so that wouldnt have unrealistic expectations if that wasnt the point of doing good. rarrrr. |
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| ps |
[Oct. 26th, 2004|08:27 pm] |
regardless of that stuff down there, 15 DAYS TILL SEATTLE! thats only 2 wednesdays to go! if i didnt have this coming up, i would be in one bad situation. these things keep me a the minimum amount of sane-ness i need to keep the school away from me and my parents un suspicious but mostly so i can be ok when i get there so i can make best of those 5 days :).
All the words they give her make her feel so soft and pretty.. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 26th, 2004|08:11 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | troubled | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | everclear-sunflowers | ] |
i saw a dead person this morning. some guy jumped off the overpass over the highway, and they hadnt covered much up as my mom and i made our way through traffic. i wont get specific but i saw more then i would want to. ever . it was really disturbing and sad, but by the time i got to school i had pretty successfully pushed it out of my mind. i got to math, though, and i couldnt get a certain part i saw out of my head. just replaying and replaying and replaying...and thats not particularly unusual for me and all...but the more i saw it te more it bothered me. by 9 i wanted to throw up and go home. by 9 10i was in the bathroom crying. by 930 i was laying in the nurses office because some teacher found me in the bathroom. by 945 i was in the counselers being evaluated on my "over all stability" (based on sme reports that some teachers had filed that shed been "meaning to get to"), and by the time math had ended my teacher had called the office to report that i was skipping class. but then he gave me a note that just says "late pass to class" with his signature on it(no date/time) so its going to be useful at least. im still sorta shaken up. with all the horror moviues ive seen i forgot that i had never actually seen a real dead body. i didt realize that it would freak me out so bad. |
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