Current mood:	finally some answers.
Current music:	elton john-your song (aww)

i havent written in a long time, but thats cuz ive been all pessemistic and mean and deppressed and didnt really want to freeze those feelings in time to read later...not fun. i have a ball-o-underwear! hahaha i just id wash and got distracted by the computers addictiveness. i just noticed how COLORFUL they all are! black with polka-spots, neon yellow hawaiian, red, pink, black with rainbow shineys!alright ill spare you..
im having trouble grasping the fact that i am here. some people spen their whole lives trying to find something or someone that makes them happy...a life that works, a life they can manage, that they can see themselves improving in. i had that...and now its gone. it seems like a fucking waste of time to be here when ive already set my mind on another life. i seriously dont know how im gonna manage in later life when ive never had an opprotunity to make things work over a long period of time. i dont think im even afraid of comitment, like ive been assuming all along, i think im incapable of it. i honestly don't know how.ive been thinking about this a lot, trying to make sense of it instead of just bitching about being here. im not really sure whats happening with anyone, so anyone whod like to update me? ive been in a kind of daze since i got back. way, way reality check. i dunno, i guess ive gotta come up for real air at some point. nows a good of time as any, right? pop da bubble of unreality and breath in the thick, hazy smog of LA. mmmm, thats an interesting taste.